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How to date a dummy
We’ve all done it at times… sacrificed conversation for abs, intellectual stimulation for a tight backside or wit for big pouty lips. Are we proud of it? Not for the most part no, but we can hardly be blamed for giving in to the aesthetic evils of this world when now and then we want to slam a stupid hottie - even though we’d rather chew our arm off in the morning than talk to them when they wake.
So if you have to do it… and at some stage you will, RedHotPie would like to give you a few tips on how to make the ride as tolerable as possible.
Sex
We don’t really need to talk about the bedroom as it’s the physical appeal that has you here in the first place, so let’s just say get into the sack as often as possible and stay there as long as you can, if you’re putting up with mental repulsion outside the erotic space then you best make damn sure it’s worth it.
Conversation
So what are you kids going to talk about? Well the golden rule is to keep things light at all times, your partner’s ignorance is making your skin crawl when ever they open their mouth so try not to get into anything to heavy. Politics is a no, where-as Australian Idol and the host’s new haircut is a yes. Religion is to be avoided, while the new season of Family Guy is open for discussion. Your partner’s complete cluelessness will kill that spark in your pants before you can say “Jesus… were you raised by retarded wolves?” So be sure to keep conversation to the light and fluffy topics.
Social circles
Keep this terrible addiction away from your friends at all costs… you’re getting to sleep with this mental basket case, and it’s good… damn good, but you see your friends, well they ain’t getting to hit that, so they’ll be the first to point out that a bowl of warm soup could hold a better discussion than your new flame.
There is no point bringing this intellectual chasm into the realm of public debate, so keep brushes with your hottie and your friends brief, a quick introduction and greeting is fine but allowing them to discuss the recent election results is instant death. After a quick round of your social circle tell your hottie that you have to have them now, thus swapping social danger for a hot and heavy sack session after an urgent drive home… it will be super sexy while serving a purpose to boot.
The Break-up
It’s important to discuss the break-up because in most cases it’s unavoidable. The main thing to remember is that this hottie has feelings too, and while your interaction may not seem to be registering on the blank stare that sits permanently atop that beautiful face, somewhere inside that marvellous head there is a consciousness.
Don’t be afraid to admit that the relationship works physically but not mentally, at least you’ll be telling the truth and you won’t risk spinning a web of lies that can tail-spin at any moment. Tell them you’ve enjoyed your time together but long-term it just won’t work.
Let them down easily because you’ve accommodated their feelings for you while you’ve got your rocks off, so make sure you do things gently… and most-importantly - remember this clean-up operation next time a smoking hottie walks into glass door near you.
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