How do I forget my Ex?

Jen, your question is a very important one and you may not like some of what we will tell you.

We are told that if our partner is attracted to, flirts or has sexual feelings for someone else it means they can't possibly love us. This is ridiculous! Most of us know this deep down and have felt fine perving at the spunk in the office while still being very much in love with out significant other.

In addition, Men have up to 400% more testosterone pumping through their bodies than women and it is this hormone in males and female that causes what I call the 'perve urge'. This 'urge' has nothing whatsoever to do with love, commitment, happy ever after or anything else. It is a base chemical reaction designed by Mother Nature to make sure we procreate. To assume just because he is going out with you that this vital human response will suddenly switch off is wishful thinking. Now let's deal with the part about you.

The reason that you still want him is 2 fold. Number one - we're sure deep down you realise that talking to a woman on the net is hardly the end of the world! Would you tell your best friend you couldn't be friends anymore just because they chatted to other people on the net!! If he were your best friend, something most people forget our partners are supposed to be, you would simply have a discussion, maybe even a laugh and get on with enjoying being together.

And the second reason you still want him is because you have imprinted him on your brain. Relationships work in the brain on the same neural pathways as addictions. What happens when you try to give up chocolate, coffee etc? You crave it! You have this deep urge to have it back even though you know it makes you fat, gives you a hangover, or whatever. We often mistake this reaction for a sign of 'true love' when in reality it is simply your body getting used to less endorphins (feel good chemicals).

I suggest you sit down with him and talk about what his chatting REALLY means to both of you. You may be surprised at how much fun you can have and how close you become if you act as best friends rather than jealous or hurt lovers.

B & G